Regarding Regretting

When running today, a chain of thoughts brought me to the concept of regret. I thought for a while if I had made any decisions that I regret today. I couldn't come up with any. This only confirmed a conviction I had developed about myself a while ago: You see - regret as a feeling never found much of a space in me. Neither envy.

I relate these two feelings to each other because to me, they are all consequences of some sort of discontentedness about one's self. I think I enjoy the luxury to be a contented person in general and I'm so grateful for that. Grateful - mostly to my parents I guess. For pushing me enough to realize at least some of my potential but never making me a puppet of their personal ambitions.

I have, however, allowed life to drift me along to places where I had to take few decisions which have caused a lot of sorrow - on my self and on others. I'm deeply sorry for these. And each of these decisions have left a scar in my soul. Some deeper than others, some even still bleeding sometimes. I love each of my scars. Because in their own cruel ways, they taught me means to appreciate life more. 

Sadly, there is little didactic value in happiness. Mostly because we don't take the effort to listen to that really quite music of life playing under the pile of daily struggles when things are in harmony. Only when discorded, we reach out for understanding more. 

New challenge in life; to develop there. I want to be in touch with life's music - even, no, especially when things are in harmony. 


Anonymous said...

Ali Rıza Akışan'ın bir kitabını ararken kendimi burada buldum, gecenin geç saatinde sayfanızı bir türlü kapatamadım. Türkçe de yazmalısınız.. Bu da size benden bir ilginç bir dinleti öyleyse.. :)

degisen said...

Teşekkür ederim - gönderdiğiniz video çok güzelmiş. farinelli'yi hatırlattı.

Hangi kitabı arıyorsunuz - aileme sorabilirim kimsede var mı diye.